Speaking the language of virtues with children

- As a facilitator in the Netherlands I have dedicated myself to spreading the great body of thought of the Virtues Project for over a year now. I do this, among other things, by writing a blog regularly. I am lucky to be working together with a talented illustrator, Pascale and a dear old friend, Hester. She translates my blogs into English and I am very grateful to her for that. Every now and then I intend to put my blogs on this blog. My first contribution is about speaking the language of virtues with children! -

SPEAKING THE LANGUAGE OF VIRTUES WITH CHILDREN

Speaking the language of virtues with children. Some adults are immediately enthusiastic about it. Others, however, feel (a bit) awkward at first. The latter often arises from the fact that some virtues have a complicated name, even for adults, like humility and detachment. Another reason could be that virtues may bring to mind certain associations, such as 'old-fashioned', 'strict' and 'rigid'.

For those of you who recognize themselves in this description, I will give you heart right now. Once you have overcome the first hurdle, you will experience the fun of speaking the language of virtues with your children. And when you suddenly hear your child say a virtue, there is a good chance of catching yourself smiling from ear to ear and glowing with pride and satisfaction inside.

But overcoming that hurdle, just how do you do that? In fact, the solution is very simple. Start looking for words that you feel comfortable with, or that are easy to understand for your child, depending on their age. I am all for avoiding big and complex words and expressing the message as simply as possible. Even for adults, but that's a different story...

I will exemplify it. Some time ago I sat down with Amber, three-and-a-half years old, to discuss the meaning of 'gentleness'. The reason for that was that she is not always gentle with things. Post is being ripped to shreds or crushed, necklaces are being pulled to pieces, and dolls suddenly appear to be missing a leg. Not to mention the cat, which is having a hard time when Amber is pulling its tail or is lying on top of it. Or the volume of her voice when she is expressing her opinion loudly to us. 'Shall I read to you what's on this card?' I asked her, which she thought was very interesting. Children often like being involved in things and being allowed to join in a conversation. While tilting her head and nodding wisely, she sometimes repeated some words that I was reading to her. Then I explained to her that gentleness means that she should leave things intact and be sweet to Tibbe the cat. Also, there is no need to raise her voice or shout when she wants to tell us something. She understood very well what I meant and asked me to read the card to her again. Since that moment this virtue has been mentioned casually in our conversations.

That is how she is continually learning new virtues, which encourages me to look for the right names, together with her. 'Perseverance' was translated by us as 'keep going'. Yet, a rather complicated word like 'concentrate' seems very clear to her somehow. We have taken up cycling recently; she on her pink/blue bike with stabilizers and I next to her on my own bike. This requires a great deal of 'attention' and 'concentration' on either part and 'keep going'. The other day I praised her for riding so well. 'Concentrate!' she screamed triumphantly, while the tip of her tongue was just not sticking out with effort. Valuable moments to me, especially since I notice that she also enjoys describing her own behaviour.

The above shows that virtues are fun and easily applicable in the everyday things of life of you and your child(ren). And particularly when your children are a bit older, you can more actively involve them in this process by asking what a certain virtue means to them. Children, regardless of their age, like being listened to and appreciate you being open to their ideas.

Author: Heleen Hoppesteyn-Uithoven, www.hartewensen.com
Illustrator: Pascale Guillou, https://www.facebook.com/PascaleGuillouIllustrationGraphicDesign
Translator: Hester Wisselink, https://www.facebook.com/hester.wisselink?fref=ts

The Virtues Project: www.virtuesproject.com

Het Deugdenproject (Dutch): www.deugdenproject.nl